Collection of Words: Infinity.

Friends seem to change space like the clothes you place on your back. One moment the only thing you will wear is pastels and checkers and the next your favourite colour to wear is black. Fortunately with the shame of clothes you can always reflect back with laughter or fondness. Although the same can be said for friends, the change is less obvious and refundable..

It seems my in life I've never had a constant friend, throughout my life. I've grown to understand that friends come and go, people come into your life to alter your destiny, whether they are there for a second or a lifetime they affect the whole of your world. It almost seems ridiculous to me now that someone can shake my world after I've wasted so much time trying to balance it out. I know that with every high the withdrawal shortly follows, and maybe the withdrawals are worth the buzz, but what happens when you no longer feel the buzz?

I've been the best of friends with people when the time is right, when it is convenient for the both of us or purely out of boredom or loneliness. It's hard for me now to separate the characters I've created within myself. I told a friend the other night that people should be careful who they pretend to be because they soon become what they pretended to be.. But how do you know when you're pretending.. I mean really, REALLY know? If I force myself to analyse every movement that I make then I know, but if I don't.. well you know what follows with that statement.

I'm a bit frustrated, maybe it was all that moving around or maybe it's all my personal demons but I've assured myself that I will never find the type of relationship with another person that is pure. Nothing is pure in life, and I'm not exactly craving it. But my sweet tooth for love has eroded and now I'm in this state of self doubt.

Maybe within myself I do not hold the capacity to love and therefore the love I receive is deflected or deflated a long the way. People's reflection on me always draw the same conclusion, when I'm open I'm still not open. Yet when I'm closed I'm trapped. I fight for so much I forgot what and who it was I've gone to battle with..

I forgot what this blog was suppose to be about, I have some much self-infliction that I'm starting to irritate myself. All I know is I still feel as alone as I did when I was 13. I don't know where I'm going, and I don't know who's coming along for the ride. It doesn't s